My oldest hopped a bus to third grade this morning, my youngest donned a uniform and began his educational trek with his first day of kindergarten and I swear I hardly cried at all!
We had a good summer. The end was a little dicey with the hurricane and my mother in law's passing but all in all, it was a good break from the rigors anf rogamarole of the school year. Despite the broken pool, we all worked up a good tan at the beach, my baby sister got married and we managed to slip away on a quick three day camping weekend. The boys attended their first (and second) minor league baseball game and we had many, many good nights of friendship and fellowship with the other members of our little village. All in all, I am rested and ready for the new year- a very different feeling from last year at this time.
Since my husband was gone for the last two weeks of summer vacation, we decided that :Labor Day weekend was going to be about family fun- we were going to take summer down to the very last minute!
On Saturday, I learned to drive the riding lawn mower. Later, my little sissy and her baby man spent the day with us (Mom is still visiting!) and we ended up with a big dinner at our favorite restaurant- kids eat free on Saturdays!! Following dinner, we tucked all the kids in bed and when my brother in law got out of work, we had out last official Summer Game Night. (Now that does NOT mean, game nights are over by any means, just that summer is ending....)
'90's Trivial Pursuit is the bomb by the way!!
Good snacks, good friends, good family- cheap, old fashioned fun!
We always play guys against girls- even Mom stuck around and played with us. Thank you Mom, for sharing your wisdom!
The girls won, by the way. And no one cheated!
Sunday my new brother in law cooked up the most massive piece of prime rib ever with all the fixings and we all feasted until we were closing to exploding. I told my sister that if they ever divorce, weekly meals cooked by my brother in law needed to be a part of the divorce decree! After dinner, my neighbor whipped us up a batch of Mommy Milkshakes for the women and we sat on the deck in the summer twilight as our men spent some time "bonding" around the kitchen table. I am pretty sure Sam Adams and Mr. Daniels may have attended the session as well. It was a really great day and night.
On Monday we met the neighbors at the stadium for the last minor league ball game of the season. The boys had a blast, I got some last minute sun and we all relaxed in the final hours of our summer vacation.
A dip in the neighbor's pool followed by some good old fashined hot dogs and hamburgers topped off the day and wrapped up the last weekend of summer quite nicely.
All in all it was a really great summer- the only real down point was losing someone we cared about.
Now, as the new year gets started I find myself thinking back on the past couple of months and I can't help but smile. I survived my first real hurricane on my own, learned to operate "heavy" machinery and grew actual, edible watermelons in my back yard! (Nothing grows in my back yard...)
I have two goals this year- to vamp up my lesson plans and really try to instill a love of chemistry in my students and finish my most recent novel. I am also conisdering organinzing all the closets but that may be asking way too much!
They say that all good things must come to an end and a really good summer vacation is about to end. I refuse, however to say that the things about summer that I really enjoyed- family and friends and just enjoying being alive are coming to an end. I have learned so much in recent months about what it really means to live and discovered so much about what life is really about that I want to keep going. I want more game nights, more big family dinners, more sharing time with people I care about. So I am decreeing right now that I refuse to let it end. We will just change course, adapt life to the changing seasons and keep on living, learning and loving.
There is a picture in the faculty restroom at the school where I work that I love to read. It begins with somethign about when we die, no will know how much money we made or what kind of car we drove but they will know the mark we have left on the world. I want to be remembered because I was loved. I want people to feel my loss because of me, not the stuff I have or the places I have been to.
Some day when you are gone from this world, people are going to sit around a table and talk about how they remember you. How will you be remembered?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I Fought the Hurricane and I Won!
I am now officially a hurricane survivor! I want a t-shirt to commemorate the fact that Hurricane Irene was strong but I was stronger.
As many of you probably know, my mother in law passed away last week. My husband stood by her side with his siblings and father as she took her last breath and I am so glad that he was there for his father in the days following her passing as they prepared for the funeral services and took care of other necessary business. As much as I missed him, I know that he was where he needed to be.
In the days leading up to Irene's visit, mom (who is staying with me currently for an extended visit) and I readied ourselves not so much for the storm itself but the days after she passed over us. Tales of weeks without power from Hurricane Isabel in 2003 urged us to store drinking water for us and the pets, nonperishable foods and even extra cat litter. I have to say that my mother is the queen of preparedness and I learned a great deal from her about being ready for anything. Thursday, two days before the storm, we booked my husband on a flight home for the next day. I was so glad that he was going to be with us for our first real hurricane!
Since moving to the coast, I have experienced tropical storms and nor'easters but never a real live, official hurricane. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was nervous. We have an old, worn out roof and not yet enough money to replace it as well as a rickety old fence that I was certain would go down flat in hurricane force winds.
So, I prepared the house as best I could. With the help of my wonderful neighbors, I battened down the hatches- locking away lawn furniture, the grill, a mess of toys and other possible projectiles just waiting for 80mph winds to toss them around like nobody's business.
On the friday before the storm, the day my husband was set to return, the weatherman reported a change- the storm was moving ahead of schedule! An hour later, my husband's flight was cancelled.
Until that time I was doing all right. I was holding my nerves in check and just doing the things that needed doing. When I got that message, everything changed.
It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
After all the preparations that led up to my sister's wedding and the planning that led up to the hurricane, I was emotionally roasted. If you could have stuck a fork in me I would have gone up in steam like the turkey in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. To find out that my husband, the one I depend upon in trying times, was not going to be present for something like a hurricane was overwhelming.
I became even more obssessed with the weather reports, prehurricane coverage and pleading with God to spare our home from major damage.
By the middle of that night, the winds had moved in. Vinyl siding has an eerie way of creaking and whining in the wind so by four in the morning I was wide awake tracking tornado warnings. Rain fell in a steady, repeating pattern of downpour and light mist with the occasional torrential drenching to spice things up.
The dog refused to go outside and relieve herself unless someone was with her so I stood in my backyard barefoot, protected only by a light rain jacket every two hours as my elderly pup sniffed the soaked lawn for a place to go.
Every so often there was a lull in the storm where the winds calmed down just enough and the rains held back just enough to make it safe for me to step outside and assess damages. Each time we had that short burst of calm I would run out front and check the fences, the roof and the cars. Then I ran through the house and made a check of the back roof and the deck. After eight hours of near constant wind and rain we lost our first major limb in a tree in front of the house. After twelve hours a few of the shingles began to flap in the breeze and I was certain we were going to sustain some serious roof damage before all was said and done.
Eighteen hours after Huricane Irene began her assauly on our humble home, a window screen bent completely in half and hung perpendicular to the house.
By Sunday morning the rains had gone, the winds were nothing more than a pleasant breeze and the sun shone bright in a clear, blue sky.
The Outer Banks in North Carolina had flooded, parts of south eastern Virginia were under water and power was out all over the mid- atlantic.
We had one broken limb, a bent screen and the boys collected one hundred and ten sticks from the front lawn. The power blinked out a few times but never cut off completely and the entire roof was still intact. All along our cul-de-sac the story was the same. A few broken limbs, part of a fence that had fallen over and tons of leaves on the ground. But that was it.
We had survived Hurricane Irene virtually unscathed and everyone we knew and loved were safe.
My little sister and her family lost power and had a run in with some flood waters in their basement. They spent a couple of days with us at our house. We had a huge cookout, tons of family bonding and the opportunity to show love and support to each other. It was a great time for all.
Two days later, my husband found his way home and life has slowly returned to a more normal speed. I truely hope it is a very long time before I have to live through a hurricane again. I am proud that I was able to protect my home and family and grateful for all of the help that others gave me in the process. It was the sort of experience that teaches one alot about themselves and I, for one, learned some surprising things. I am much stronger than I ever thought, capable of survival not only for myself but the ones I love and that all the worrying in the world won't change what is meant to be.
As many of you probably know, my mother in law passed away last week. My husband stood by her side with his siblings and father as she took her last breath and I am so glad that he was there for his father in the days following her passing as they prepared for the funeral services and took care of other necessary business. As much as I missed him, I know that he was where he needed to be.
In the days leading up to Irene's visit, mom (who is staying with me currently for an extended visit) and I readied ourselves not so much for the storm itself but the days after she passed over us. Tales of weeks without power from Hurricane Isabel in 2003 urged us to store drinking water for us and the pets, nonperishable foods and even extra cat litter. I have to say that my mother is the queen of preparedness and I learned a great deal from her about being ready for anything. Thursday, two days before the storm, we booked my husband on a flight home for the next day. I was so glad that he was going to be with us for our first real hurricane!
Since moving to the coast, I have experienced tropical storms and nor'easters but never a real live, official hurricane. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was nervous. We have an old, worn out roof and not yet enough money to replace it as well as a rickety old fence that I was certain would go down flat in hurricane force winds.
So, I prepared the house as best I could. With the help of my wonderful neighbors, I battened down the hatches- locking away lawn furniture, the grill, a mess of toys and other possible projectiles just waiting for 80mph winds to toss them around like nobody's business.
On the friday before the storm, the day my husband was set to return, the weatherman reported a change- the storm was moving ahead of schedule! An hour later, my husband's flight was cancelled.
Until that time I was doing all right. I was holding my nerves in check and just doing the things that needed doing. When I got that message, everything changed.
It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
After all the preparations that led up to my sister's wedding and the planning that led up to the hurricane, I was emotionally roasted. If you could have stuck a fork in me I would have gone up in steam like the turkey in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. To find out that my husband, the one I depend upon in trying times, was not going to be present for something like a hurricane was overwhelming.
I became even more obssessed with the weather reports, prehurricane coverage and pleading with God to spare our home from major damage.
By the middle of that night, the winds had moved in. Vinyl siding has an eerie way of creaking and whining in the wind so by four in the morning I was wide awake tracking tornado warnings. Rain fell in a steady, repeating pattern of downpour and light mist with the occasional torrential drenching to spice things up.
The dog refused to go outside and relieve herself unless someone was with her so I stood in my backyard barefoot, protected only by a light rain jacket every two hours as my elderly pup sniffed the soaked lawn for a place to go.
Every so often there was a lull in the storm where the winds calmed down just enough and the rains held back just enough to make it safe for me to step outside and assess damages. Each time we had that short burst of calm I would run out front and check the fences, the roof and the cars. Then I ran through the house and made a check of the back roof and the deck. After eight hours of near constant wind and rain we lost our first major limb in a tree in front of the house. After twelve hours a few of the shingles began to flap in the breeze and I was certain we were going to sustain some serious roof damage before all was said and done.
Eighteen hours after Huricane Irene began her assauly on our humble home, a window screen bent completely in half and hung perpendicular to the house.
By Sunday morning the rains had gone, the winds were nothing more than a pleasant breeze and the sun shone bright in a clear, blue sky.
The Outer Banks in North Carolina had flooded, parts of south eastern Virginia were under water and power was out all over the mid- atlantic.
We had one broken limb, a bent screen and the boys collected one hundred and ten sticks from the front lawn. The power blinked out a few times but never cut off completely and the entire roof was still intact. All along our cul-de-sac the story was the same. A few broken limbs, part of a fence that had fallen over and tons of leaves on the ground. But that was it.
We had survived Hurricane Irene virtually unscathed and everyone we knew and loved were safe.
My little sister and her family lost power and had a run in with some flood waters in their basement. They spent a couple of days with us at our house. We had a huge cookout, tons of family bonding and the opportunity to show love and support to each other. It was a great time for all.
Two days later, my husband found his way home and life has slowly returned to a more normal speed. I truely hope it is a very long time before I have to live through a hurricane again. I am proud that I was able to protect my home and family and grateful for all of the help that others gave me in the process. It was the sort of experience that teaches one alot about themselves and I, for one, learned some surprising things. I am much stronger than I ever thought, capable of survival not only for myself but the ones I love and that all the worrying in the world won't change what is meant to be.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Of Sorrow and Joy
It is with great sadness that I wish to share with all of you that, after a very long illness, my mother in law passed away two days ago on Monday, August 22. She was at home, surrounded by her husband and children and many of her grandchildren, all of whom loved her dearly.
It is with great happiness that I wish to share that my baby sister was married to the love of her life also two days ago on Monday, August 22. She too, was surrounded by the people who love her- minus one groomsman who stood beside his mother as she left this world and passed into the next.
Because of the wedding that all of us, even my boys, were a part of, the kids and I were unable to be there along with the rest of the family.
What I would like to share with you now may leave some of you skeptical but I swear that it is exactly what happened.
As I stood on the shore of the Atlantic Ocean, my toes buried in the warm sand while my pink chiffon dress stirred gently in the sea breeze, I watched as my little sister said her vows. As she stared up into the eyes of her fiance', my own eyes teared up and I had to look away for just a few seconds. Behind where we stood on the beach was the hotel that would hold the reception. It had a deck that spanned its width where several hotel guests stood and watched as the sacrament of marriage was performed on the perfect Virginia evening. Humidity free, the air was comfortable, the sky an awe inspiring shade of blue. A woman in a green tank top leaned against the rail of the deck smiling as if she knew something the newlyweds did not yet know but would one day soon discover.
As my eyes wandered, I caught the briefest glimpse of an image that I will never, ever forget. Two feet over from the woman in the green tank top I saw my father, leaning on the railing, his ivory button down shirt flapping slightly in the breeze, a big smile on his face. Beside him was my mother in law. Both looked vital and healthy- no trace of the terrible diseases that had taken them from us.
I heard the words, "She just died" in my head. And then they were both gone.
The last time I visited my mother in law in the hospital, she told me she still hoped to make it down south for the wedding.
Well, "Mom", you did! And I was so very happy to see you there!
After the ceremony, I hunted down my girlfriend who held my cell phone (there was absolutely no place to tuck it into my halter dress!) and said "Quick! Give me my phone! I have to see if my husband called- I think his mom just died."
Her reply? "No, she didn't. You are just worried."
Of course, she was right. There was no text message. No missed call.
But I was certain of what I had seen so I sent him a message asking how she was.
He did not reply.
Finally I broke down and called him. It was then that I learned she had, indeed passed in the middle of the wedding ceremony.
I have always believed that loved ones who pass sort of take on the job of guardian for us. From the other side, they watch over us, protect us and when they really want to, drop in on us. I am convinced that the week after my oldest boy was born my great grandmother, whom I was very close to, dropped in to see him. I swear I could smell her perfume. Another friend shared with me once a story of her father coming to see her first born son as well. I was certain that Dad would somehow manage to be at the wedding and he didn't let me down!
It's perfectly OK with me if you don't believe any of this really happened. And I don't even mind if you think I am a little crazy because I just might be slightly left of center on a regular day anyway. But, I am going to choose to cherish the fleeting glimpse- whether it really happened or my active imagination just filled in a gap for me- and take comfort from the fact that two people I loved are now in a place where they no longer hurt or ache or feel the agony of their ailments emotionally or mentally.
I am deeply saddened by the loss of my mother in law. The boys have just lost a grandmother they really loved, my husband has lost his mother and and my father in law has lost his spouse of nearly fifty years. I am sad for all of us because we are left here feeling the pain and sorrow of her death but for her I am happy, ecstatic even. She no longer has to scream out in pain as she shifts from one position to another. Her breathing is no longer labored and her chest no longer aches. For that I am infintely grateful.
Truth be told though, I mostly jealous. She gets the opportunity to hang out with my dad any time she wants now while I just have to wait patiently for three or four decades to see him again!
It is with great happiness that I wish to share that my baby sister was married to the love of her life also two days ago on Monday, August 22. She too, was surrounded by the people who love her- minus one groomsman who stood beside his mother as she left this world and passed into the next.
Because of the wedding that all of us, even my boys, were a part of, the kids and I were unable to be there along with the rest of the family.
What I would like to share with you now may leave some of you skeptical but I swear that it is exactly what happened.
As I stood on the shore of the Atlantic Ocean, my toes buried in the warm sand while my pink chiffon dress stirred gently in the sea breeze, I watched as my little sister said her vows. As she stared up into the eyes of her fiance', my own eyes teared up and I had to look away for just a few seconds. Behind where we stood on the beach was the hotel that would hold the reception. It had a deck that spanned its width where several hotel guests stood and watched as the sacrament of marriage was performed on the perfect Virginia evening. Humidity free, the air was comfortable, the sky an awe inspiring shade of blue. A woman in a green tank top leaned against the rail of the deck smiling as if she knew something the newlyweds did not yet know but would one day soon discover.
As my eyes wandered, I caught the briefest glimpse of an image that I will never, ever forget. Two feet over from the woman in the green tank top I saw my father, leaning on the railing, his ivory button down shirt flapping slightly in the breeze, a big smile on his face. Beside him was my mother in law. Both looked vital and healthy- no trace of the terrible diseases that had taken them from us.
I heard the words, "She just died" in my head. And then they were both gone.
The last time I visited my mother in law in the hospital, she told me she still hoped to make it down south for the wedding.
Well, "Mom", you did! And I was so very happy to see you there!
After the ceremony, I hunted down my girlfriend who held my cell phone (there was absolutely no place to tuck it into my halter dress!) and said "Quick! Give me my phone! I have to see if my husband called- I think his mom just died."
Her reply? "No, she didn't. You are just worried."
Of course, she was right. There was no text message. No missed call.
But I was certain of what I had seen so I sent him a message asking how she was.
He did not reply.
Finally I broke down and called him. It was then that I learned she had, indeed passed in the middle of the wedding ceremony.
I have always believed that loved ones who pass sort of take on the job of guardian for us. From the other side, they watch over us, protect us and when they really want to, drop in on us. I am convinced that the week after my oldest boy was born my great grandmother, whom I was very close to, dropped in to see him. I swear I could smell her perfume. Another friend shared with me once a story of her father coming to see her first born son as well. I was certain that Dad would somehow manage to be at the wedding and he didn't let me down!
It's perfectly OK with me if you don't believe any of this really happened. And I don't even mind if you think I am a little crazy because I just might be slightly left of center on a regular day anyway. But, I am going to choose to cherish the fleeting glimpse- whether it really happened or my active imagination just filled in a gap for me- and take comfort from the fact that two people I loved are now in a place where they no longer hurt or ache or feel the agony of their ailments emotionally or mentally.
I am deeply saddened by the loss of my mother in law. The boys have just lost a grandmother they really loved, my husband has lost his mother and and my father in law has lost his spouse of nearly fifty years. I am sad for all of us because we are left here feeling the pain and sorrow of her death but for her I am happy, ecstatic even. She no longer has to scream out in pain as she shifts from one position to another. Her breathing is no longer labored and her chest no longer aches. For that I am infintely grateful.
Truth be told though, I mostly jealous. She gets the opportunity to hang out with my dad any time she wants now while I just have to wait patiently for three or four decades to see him again!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Let Them Know How You Feel Now- When it Really Counts
In eleven years of marriage, this is the first time that my husband and I have slept in different states. He is currently up in New England to see his ailing mother and help his father cope with the stresses that come with terminal illness in a loved one. He has only been gone thirty six hours but it feels like forever.
My reaction to his absence surprised me greatly. We spend more time sleeping apart than we do together because of our opposite shifts. So, why it should bother me to be alone at night is odd to me. Of course, when he is at work, he is only a short drive away so he may not be home but he could get home relatively quickly. Now, though he is a ten hour car trip, an eleven hour train ride and a four hour flight from us. Psychologically that feels like the universe to me.
Now, I have always considered myself perfectly capable of getting by on my own. I never felt like I "needed" a man to get along in this world. In his absence I have powerwashed my house, painted dozens of walls, cut acres of grass and done just about everything else. So, why, when he is tending to such important things do I still feel so lonely? It's the strangest concept and I am having real difficulty making sense of it.
To pass some time this evening, I finally picked up the guitar he brought home for me last month. The boys and I stopped at a music store today and I picked up a beginner's book and a guitar pick. In part I think I did it because I miss my husband and playing with the instrument would somehow make me feel closer to him. Either way, it was about time I began to learn to play it.
For many years I played the violin so I can read music and I understand the mechanics of sheet music. This turns out to be a real plus because I was able to focus on the notes instead of learning to read the notes. After two hours of play and practice I have now mastered "Ode to Joy" and "Skip to My Lou." It is only a matter of time before this rock star goes on tour!
I had forgotten how relaxing it could be to play music. Once I figured out the strings and the first few notes I felt comfortable and began to really enjoy the actual music coming out from the strings plucked by my own fingers.
Of course, I now have a blister forming on my finger from pressing too hard against the strings but I feel accomplished. And for a couple of hours I lost the lonely feeling at my husband's absence and the worry for my mother in law and just focused all of my energies on something that seems to have been quite therapeutic.
For so long now, I have been so completely consumed with the rigors of everyday life that I forgot what it felt like to just piddle away a couple of hours; in this case picking out simple tunes on a cheap guitar. Right beside me sat a basket full of laundry needing folding and in the kitchen dirty dishes still cluttered the sink. But you know what? They were still sitting there when I was done. The world did not switch its tilt or stop turning on its axis. The moon was still high in the night sky and water still ran out of the faucets. In short, the world did not suffer in any considerable way by my ignoring the laundry and dishes. They eventually got done and I was ablt to record my first "concert" on my cell phone and text it to my absentee husband.
I feel sad for my mother in law. She is very ill and there is little anyone can do for her except to make her comfortable. I feel even sadder for my father in law- her mate of nearly fifty years. FIFTY YEARS. Some of us can't even keep a friend for more than a few years yet they managed to stay married for half a century. That is an awesome thing. But, when she is gone, my seventy something father in law will suddenly be alone. After watching my mother lose her mate of forty two years last summer, I do not take lightly the loss that he will feel upon his wife's death. Most of all I feel sad for my husband. I know how it feels to lose a parent. I want to take the pain away and carry it for him but I know I can not. I love him and I know he has to follow the path himself. The best I can do is offer my love and support. Perhaps that is in part responsible for the empty, lonely feeling I am harboring this week.
In the past year I have lost my Dad, my close friend moved away and I have been preparing for the loss of my mother in law for quite some time now. It's been a tough go of it for all of us actually and I am ready for just a little break. I am sort of even looking forward to getting back to work so that my routine becomes so chock full again that I won't have time to think over such things.
When you are done reading this, get up from your computer and go and find your spouse or signifcant other. Tell them you love them. Tell them how much their presence in your life means to you and promise them that you value and appreciate them. You won't regret saying it but I know for a fact you will regret not saying it one day.
My reaction to his absence surprised me greatly. We spend more time sleeping apart than we do together because of our opposite shifts. So, why it should bother me to be alone at night is odd to me. Of course, when he is at work, he is only a short drive away so he may not be home but he could get home relatively quickly. Now, though he is a ten hour car trip, an eleven hour train ride and a four hour flight from us. Psychologically that feels like the universe to me.
Now, I have always considered myself perfectly capable of getting by on my own. I never felt like I "needed" a man to get along in this world. In his absence I have powerwashed my house, painted dozens of walls, cut acres of grass and done just about everything else. So, why, when he is tending to such important things do I still feel so lonely? It's the strangest concept and I am having real difficulty making sense of it.
To pass some time this evening, I finally picked up the guitar he brought home for me last month. The boys and I stopped at a music store today and I picked up a beginner's book and a guitar pick. In part I think I did it because I miss my husband and playing with the instrument would somehow make me feel closer to him. Either way, it was about time I began to learn to play it.
For many years I played the violin so I can read music and I understand the mechanics of sheet music. This turns out to be a real plus because I was able to focus on the notes instead of learning to read the notes. After two hours of play and practice I have now mastered "Ode to Joy" and "Skip to My Lou." It is only a matter of time before this rock star goes on tour!
I had forgotten how relaxing it could be to play music. Once I figured out the strings and the first few notes I felt comfortable and began to really enjoy the actual music coming out from the strings plucked by my own fingers.
Of course, I now have a blister forming on my finger from pressing too hard against the strings but I feel accomplished. And for a couple of hours I lost the lonely feeling at my husband's absence and the worry for my mother in law and just focused all of my energies on something that seems to have been quite therapeutic.
For so long now, I have been so completely consumed with the rigors of everyday life that I forgot what it felt like to just piddle away a couple of hours; in this case picking out simple tunes on a cheap guitar. Right beside me sat a basket full of laundry needing folding and in the kitchen dirty dishes still cluttered the sink. But you know what? They were still sitting there when I was done. The world did not switch its tilt or stop turning on its axis. The moon was still high in the night sky and water still ran out of the faucets. In short, the world did not suffer in any considerable way by my ignoring the laundry and dishes. They eventually got done and I was ablt to record my first "concert" on my cell phone and text it to my absentee husband.
I feel sad for my mother in law. She is very ill and there is little anyone can do for her except to make her comfortable. I feel even sadder for my father in law- her mate of nearly fifty years. FIFTY YEARS. Some of us can't even keep a friend for more than a few years yet they managed to stay married for half a century. That is an awesome thing. But, when she is gone, my seventy something father in law will suddenly be alone. After watching my mother lose her mate of forty two years last summer, I do not take lightly the loss that he will feel upon his wife's death. Most of all I feel sad for my husband. I know how it feels to lose a parent. I want to take the pain away and carry it for him but I know I can not. I love him and I know he has to follow the path himself. The best I can do is offer my love and support. Perhaps that is in part responsible for the empty, lonely feeling I am harboring this week.
In the past year I have lost my Dad, my close friend moved away and I have been preparing for the loss of my mother in law for quite some time now. It's been a tough go of it for all of us actually and I am ready for just a little break. I am sort of even looking forward to getting back to work so that my routine becomes so chock full again that I won't have time to think over such things.
When you are done reading this, get up from your computer and go and find your spouse or signifcant other. Tell them you love them. Tell them how much their presence in your life means to you and promise them that you value and appreciate them. You won't regret saying it but I know for a fact you will regret not saying it one day.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Back Off, Stress!
What a week this has been and it is only Tuesday!
This morning my oldest son had surgery at the children's hospital to correct a problem that has been causing him a great amount of discomfort in the past few months. Of my two children he is the strong, healthy one who gets an occasional cold or sinus infection but had perfect attendance for the entire school year this past year. So, unlike his baby brother who has already had two surgeries by the age of five to insert ear tubes, he has very little experience in the art of being sick.
In short, the word "surgery" scared him. Alot.
It even scared his little brother who spent the morning at day camp at his school crying and waiting for someone to pick him up. He melted down immediatley upon seeing his brother- a clear indicator that even the youngest among us experience fear, worry and best of all, relief.
It scares me too, but for different reasons. There is a history of a disorder in my family called Malignant Hypothermia which is a severe and often fatal reaction to anesthesia.
Everytime I, or one of my children are faced with "going under", I panic a little and worry a lot. Fortunately the children's hospital has a protocol for such situations and they handle it with great ease and finesse'. Needless to say the surgery was uneventful and very successful. He will be up and running around in no time as though nothing ever happened and I will actually sleep tonight.
Well, maybe.
My husband has taken a bit of FMLA leave to go and be with his mother who has minimal time left on this planet. Hours? Days? A week or two? No one can tell us for sure, and so we wait and see.
With my sister's wedding only a few days away, we are not sure whether he will make it back or not. Each hour of each day we wait for the phone call to come, the one forcing me to tell them boys that someone else they love has passed on. I am so glad that they had the chance to see their grandmother in June and will always remember her as grammy who likes to cuddle and listens to every single one of their Nintendo DS stories. I bet she even understands what Pokemon are!
As a grown up, I understand that death is a part of life. It's inevitable and I attempt to comfort myself by telling myself that she lived a rich life full of travel and exeriences and people who loved her. But it isn't making things any easier. Like I have said previously, she was always good to me and we have a great relationship as mother in law and daughter in law.
Stress seems to follow me around like the grey fluffy cat hair that seems to tumble across my wood floors like tumbleweeds in a desert. I keep trying to get the drop on stress but it seems smarter than me, showing up around every corner. Still, I am doing my best to dodge it and not succomb. This week has been a true test of that little white blood pressure pill.
Today's mantra:
I won't give in. I am stronger than the will of cancer, the inevitability of death and the strangulating force of stress.
Still, as I sit here, I am mentally taking stock of all the blessings in my life. The wonderful show of support from friends and family as we prepared for this morning's adventure. The offers of help if we needed it, the kind words, the offerred prayers... How great is this village that I call my own?
This morning my oldest son had surgery at the children's hospital to correct a problem that has been causing him a great amount of discomfort in the past few months. Of my two children he is the strong, healthy one who gets an occasional cold or sinus infection but had perfect attendance for the entire school year this past year. So, unlike his baby brother who has already had two surgeries by the age of five to insert ear tubes, he has very little experience in the art of being sick.
In short, the word "surgery" scared him. Alot.
It even scared his little brother who spent the morning at day camp at his school crying and waiting for someone to pick him up. He melted down immediatley upon seeing his brother- a clear indicator that even the youngest among us experience fear, worry and best of all, relief.
It scares me too, but for different reasons. There is a history of a disorder in my family called Malignant Hypothermia which is a severe and often fatal reaction to anesthesia.
Everytime I, or one of my children are faced with "going under", I panic a little and worry a lot. Fortunately the children's hospital has a protocol for such situations and they handle it with great ease and finesse'. Needless to say the surgery was uneventful and very successful. He will be up and running around in no time as though nothing ever happened and I will actually sleep tonight.
Well, maybe.
My husband has taken a bit of FMLA leave to go and be with his mother who has minimal time left on this planet. Hours? Days? A week or two? No one can tell us for sure, and so we wait and see.
With my sister's wedding only a few days away, we are not sure whether he will make it back or not. Each hour of each day we wait for the phone call to come, the one forcing me to tell them boys that someone else they love has passed on. I am so glad that they had the chance to see their grandmother in June and will always remember her as grammy who likes to cuddle and listens to every single one of their Nintendo DS stories. I bet she even understands what Pokemon are!
As a grown up, I understand that death is a part of life. It's inevitable and I attempt to comfort myself by telling myself that she lived a rich life full of travel and exeriences and people who loved her. But it isn't making things any easier. Like I have said previously, she was always good to me and we have a great relationship as mother in law and daughter in law.
Stress seems to follow me around like the grey fluffy cat hair that seems to tumble across my wood floors like tumbleweeds in a desert. I keep trying to get the drop on stress but it seems smarter than me, showing up around every corner. Still, I am doing my best to dodge it and not succomb. This week has been a true test of that little white blood pressure pill.
Today's mantra:
I won't give in. I am stronger than the will of cancer, the inevitability of death and the strangulating force of stress.
Still, as I sit here, I am mentally taking stock of all the blessings in my life. The wonderful show of support from friends and family as we prepared for this morning's adventure. The offers of help if we needed it, the kind words, the offerred prayers... How great is this village that I call my own?
Sunday, August 14, 2011
WIth a Heavy Heart
This summer we have been exploring the concept of earning an allowance. The boys have both been assigned a short list of chores to complete each week and if they do, they will earn $3.00. Of that money, at least $1 must go into savings. As we progress in this experiment, we will eventually select a charity to donate to as well but for now, we are concentrating on making the chores part of their routine and learning the value of a $1 so to speak.
My little sister is getting married in a week and in a few days we will have some house guests staying with us. Inundated with housework that never seems to be caught up, I offered the boys an extra dollar each to clean up the playroom. I mean, really clean it up. To sweeten the deal, I tossed in an extra fifty cents to whoever found their cousin's sandal that I knew was in there but had refused to show itself for about 3 weeks now.
Five minutes into the great clean up, my youngest child shows up in the kitchen with the baby's shoe and asked for his 2 quarters. As I handed them to him, he said "I'm going to give one to my brother because he helped look for it too."
I've got to tell you, that just about melted my heart and definitely warmed my soul. Most kids, probably myself included at that age, would have run off with the two quarters as their own but my child wanted to share with his brother becasue they both took the time to look for the shoes. Does it get any better than that? At the age of five, there is absolutely no sign of greed in my little man. I can't help feeling like we might be doing something right as parents after all!
It's the little things that keep me moving forward.
This has been a particularly rough few days in our house. My mother in law, who has been ill for a very long time, has taken a turn for the worse. The much worse. It is only a matter of days, a week at most before I once again have to broach the extremely difficult task of explaining death to my little ones. Trying to make arrangements for my husband to get up north to see his mom and help out his dad with only a week until the wedding that we are all in and squeeze in a minor surgery for my oldest has pushed both of us to the brink of breaking. Since my husband's job pretty much owns his soul, we are pacing the house waiting for permission for him to leave while I shift the household books around to make accomodations for the unexpected expense.
As some of you might expect, I have been experiencing a great sense of de ja vu from my own father's passing only a year ago and that is adding to the heavy weight I am feeling as we wait for "the call". I personally, do not fear death. I am sad to think of my boys growing up without a mother, but I am not afraid to die. I have always tried my hardest to live the best way that I could. I hope I have done more good than harm in the world and I don't have a single regret. Except maybe turning down law school eight years ago... how different my life would have been had I earned my JD... Anyway, I believe that the real sadness in death is for those left behind with the big empty hole in their lives where the one they loved used to be.
From what I understand, I am one of the lucky ones. My in laws are very good to me. They always have been. They love me and I love them and losing one of them is going to be extremely difficult. We have always had a great relationship and I am so glad that I did have to go through my married life with a mother in law who didn't like me as many of my friends have told me is the case in their lives. Because of them I have had many opportunities I may not have experienced otherwise. Trips to Narragansett, Disney, Carolina Beach and Newport are just to name a few of the great things we have done together.
Maybe there will come a day when death does not have to be painful or drawn out. For now I will concentrate on supporting my husband and father in law as best I can. It is unfortunate but I do have a bit of experience in this inevitable part of life.
My little sister is getting married in a week and in a few days we will have some house guests staying with us. Inundated with housework that never seems to be caught up, I offered the boys an extra dollar each to clean up the playroom. I mean, really clean it up. To sweeten the deal, I tossed in an extra fifty cents to whoever found their cousin's sandal that I knew was in there but had refused to show itself for about 3 weeks now.
Five minutes into the great clean up, my youngest child shows up in the kitchen with the baby's shoe and asked for his 2 quarters. As I handed them to him, he said "I'm going to give one to my brother because he helped look for it too."
I've got to tell you, that just about melted my heart and definitely warmed my soul. Most kids, probably myself included at that age, would have run off with the two quarters as their own but my child wanted to share with his brother becasue they both took the time to look for the shoes. Does it get any better than that? At the age of five, there is absolutely no sign of greed in my little man. I can't help feeling like we might be doing something right as parents after all!
It's the little things that keep me moving forward.
This has been a particularly rough few days in our house. My mother in law, who has been ill for a very long time, has taken a turn for the worse. The much worse. It is only a matter of days, a week at most before I once again have to broach the extremely difficult task of explaining death to my little ones. Trying to make arrangements for my husband to get up north to see his mom and help out his dad with only a week until the wedding that we are all in and squeeze in a minor surgery for my oldest has pushed both of us to the brink of breaking. Since my husband's job pretty much owns his soul, we are pacing the house waiting for permission for him to leave while I shift the household books around to make accomodations for the unexpected expense.
As some of you might expect, I have been experiencing a great sense of de ja vu from my own father's passing only a year ago and that is adding to the heavy weight I am feeling as we wait for "the call". I personally, do not fear death. I am sad to think of my boys growing up without a mother, but I am not afraid to die. I have always tried my hardest to live the best way that I could. I hope I have done more good than harm in the world and I don't have a single regret. Except maybe turning down law school eight years ago... how different my life would have been had I earned my JD... Anyway, I believe that the real sadness in death is for those left behind with the big empty hole in their lives where the one they loved used to be.
From what I understand, I am one of the lucky ones. My in laws are very good to me. They always have been. They love me and I love them and losing one of them is going to be extremely difficult. We have always had a great relationship and I am so glad that I did have to go through my married life with a mother in law who didn't like me as many of my friends have told me is the case in their lives. Because of them I have had many opportunities I may not have experienced otherwise. Trips to Narragansett, Disney, Carolina Beach and Newport are just to name a few of the great things we have done together.
Maybe there will come a day when death does not have to be painful or drawn out. For now I will concentrate on supporting my husband and father in law as best I can. It is unfortunate but I do have a bit of experience in this inevitable part of life.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Tent- $50. Camp Site - $30. Quality Time as a Family- Priceless
Since we ended up spending our vacation in June visiting my sick mother in law, we promised the kids a camping trip to make up for it before the summer was over. So, we just spent three days up in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains taking a much needed break from the real world.
I had never gone camping before I met my husband. The idea of sleeping on the ground with nothing more than a few millimeters of nylon fabric between me and the wild was never very appealing. I don't squat against trees and I have an innate need to wash every day. So, camping would not have been my vacation of choice. And then I met a man who loves nothing more than sitting under a tree around a fire reading a magazine and enjoying the fresh air around him. Needless to say I pretended the idea of camping sounded like fun!
I have only two requirements- a toilet with a roof and walls around it and a place to shower. I don't even care if it is an outhouse and a cold creek, I just have to have those two things available to me or I can't do it. I even seem to lose my intense dislike for bugs and dirt when I go camping as long as there is a toilet and water available to me!
The campground we chose was pretty simple. Treed tent lots, a pole with some outlets on it for a radio and a well pump with a faucet on it to rinse dishes or what ever. This place did have a nice clean bathroom with hot showers which of course made me happy(!) and a small inground, six foot deep pool which made us all happy. A long hot summer without the use of our own pool (a side rusted and collapsed last summer) has been a difficult thing to contend with so we were very excited to find this little piece of paradise in the middle of the mountains.
We spent alot of time reading and playing catch with the kids. I brought along my lap top to do a little writing- I always write best when we camp- and the boys played with dirt and twigs and rocks. It was very relaxing. Even the trip we took along the Blue Ridge Parkway was phenomenal with its mountian views and leafy trees we hadn't seen much of since leaving New Englad seven years ago.
Essentially it was a back to the basics sort of weekend- spending quality time together without committments, televisions or any of the many other distractions life always seems to offer. We came back home tan from all the swimming and relaxed from all the sitting around just in time to jump into a whirlwind of activity over the next couple of weeks before returning to school in September.
I know that camping isn't for everyone but I truely believe everyone should give it a try. There is nothing like the serenade of crickets and cicadas as you drift off to sleep each night. The beauty of the landscape is never tiresome and the night sky never looked so amazing as it does against a bright campfire. Camping is good for the soul.
We can't afford big summer vacations every year to Disney or the Bahamas but we do our best to take the boys camping at least once each summer. I believe it is essential for little boys to learn skills such as building and lighting a fire as well as fire safety. They should know how to handle a fishing line and to tell the difference between safe and poison berries and how to avoide rock piles where rattlers and other snakes may make their homes. Actually, I believe that ALL children should learn these things- boys and girls. The quality time is priceless and the skills are important.
You don't need to spend loads of money to build a realtionship with your children. All they really want is your time. For a three day all inclusive trip to the mountains we spent less than one day at Disney would have cost us.
Now don't get me wrong. We want to take our kids to Disney World and one day we will. But what we want most is to foster a relationship with our boys that includes love, trust, approval and comfort while teaching them to be productive members of society who will one day raise children of their own.
I had never gone camping before I met my husband. The idea of sleeping on the ground with nothing more than a few millimeters of nylon fabric between me and the wild was never very appealing. I don't squat against trees and I have an innate need to wash every day. So, camping would not have been my vacation of choice. And then I met a man who loves nothing more than sitting under a tree around a fire reading a magazine and enjoying the fresh air around him. Needless to say I pretended the idea of camping sounded like fun!
I have only two requirements- a toilet with a roof and walls around it and a place to shower. I don't even care if it is an outhouse and a cold creek, I just have to have those two things available to me or I can't do it. I even seem to lose my intense dislike for bugs and dirt when I go camping as long as there is a toilet and water available to me!
The campground we chose was pretty simple. Treed tent lots, a pole with some outlets on it for a radio and a well pump with a faucet on it to rinse dishes or what ever. This place did have a nice clean bathroom with hot showers which of course made me happy(!) and a small inground, six foot deep pool which made us all happy. A long hot summer without the use of our own pool (a side rusted and collapsed last summer) has been a difficult thing to contend with so we were very excited to find this little piece of paradise in the middle of the mountains.
We spent alot of time reading and playing catch with the kids. I brought along my lap top to do a little writing- I always write best when we camp- and the boys played with dirt and twigs and rocks. It was very relaxing. Even the trip we took along the Blue Ridge Parkway was phenomenal with its mountian views and leafy trees we hadn't seen much of since leaving New Englad seven years ago.
Essentially it was a back to the basics sort of weekend- spending quality time together without committments, televisions or any of the many other distractions life always seems to offer. We came back home tan from all the swimming and relaxed from all the sitting around just in time to jump into a whirlwind of activity over the next couple of weeks before returning to school in September.
I know that camping isn't for everyone but I truely believe everyone should give it a try. There is nothing like the serenade of crickets and cicadas as you drift off to sleep each night. The beauty of the landscape is never tiresome and the night sky never looked so amazing as it does against a bright campfire. Camping is good for the soul.
We can't afford big summer vacations every year to Disney or the Bahamas but we do our best to take the boys camping at least once each summer. I believe it is essential for little boys to learn skills such as building and lighting a fire as well as fire safety. They should know how to handle a fishing line and to tell the difference between safe and poison berries and how to avoide rock piles where rattlers and other snakes may make their homes. Actually, I believe that ALL children should learn these things- boys and girls. The quality time is priceless and the skills are important.
You don't need to spend loads of money to build a realtionship with your children. All they really want is your time. For a three day all inclusive trip to the mountains we spent less than one day at Disney would have cost us.
Now don't get me wrong. We want to take our kids to Disney World and one day we will. But what we want most is to foster a relationship with our boys that includes love, trust, approval and comfort while teaching them to be productive members of society who will one day raise children of their own.
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