Make Your Time Count

    So, we are four days into summer vacation and the kids are already at each other's backs constantly.  Thanks to the lovely wildfires south of us, some days we have to stay inside most of the day as my little one can not tolerate the smoke in the air.  But still, any day that I don't have to work is a good day and even if I had to spend four hours creating an Excel document for some project I worked on all year, I have been at home and with my family while I do it.  Next week I start my real summer work, writing curriculum for a new Forensic Science course being offerred.  When I became a teacher I swore I would never teach summer school and I still hold to that policy.  Writing curriuculum however, can be done from home, pays very well and is particularly exciting to me with this class since I have a long ago earned MS in Forensic Science I would like to use again.  Of course, summer also offers me plenty of writing time to freelance (for money), blog (for fun) and write novels (for my pipe dream of being published as a fiction writer one day!)
    When I think back to just a year ago on my first week of summer vacation, and how we were all sort of sitting on pins and needles as we watched Dad, one of the greatest men to ever walk this Earth, slowly succumb to his tumor, I can not believe I have lived nearly a year without my father.  Four days ago when my mother in law was taken to the emergency room and put into ICU for various medical issues, I had a nauseating sense of de ja' vu as I paced the house waiting for news of improvement.  I was fearful that my boys would begin to think that summer vacation means that a grandparent passes on and I had no idea how we would get through that. Fortunately, unlike Dad a year ago, her progress has been in the right direction.  I have let go of more than one huge sigh of relief.
   Facing the end of someone's life always makes me think back over my own.  Last night as I sat at my desk, trying to balance four chat conversations at once (I am sooo not good at that!),  I was reminiscing with an old friend about middle school.  Good things, bad things, really bad hair and rediculous fashion.  Funny what I thought I had forgetten!  As I chatted with another old friend about our kids and work and spouses, I marvelled at how different we both are now from high school days and how different yet similar we are to each other.  Chat number three was with a friend from the current time period and as we discussed coupons, bargains and Saturday night game night, I found myself wondering how I had gotten to this point and how much happier I am now than I ever was in middle school or high school!  My fourth chat was a sporadic conversation with a sister full of teasing and innuendo only a sister would think to toss at me!  I find it interesting to say the least that my FB time was represented by four very distinct parts of my life and I am amazed at how well rounded and secure my life has become.
    Last night was also the first time in well over a week that my nephew stayed with us.  The boys, overjoyed to see their cousin, repeatedly hugged him and played with him throughout the evening.  I thought I might even cry when I watched him cross the room to my youngest son with his arms open and gave him a great big hug.  It was even more obvious he had missed us in that short period of a week when my husband woke up for work and he followed him around the house as he ate dinner and attended to all his preparations.  When he tried to head for the garage to help my husband don his uniform I had to step in as he hasn't quite mastered the steps yet!  His obvious love for us - and ours for him- warms my heart.  He was born just a couple of months before Dad passed.  He shares so many of Dad's playful quirks, mannerisms and expressions that I can't help but think he was sent to us as a reminder that Dad may be gone but his legacy lives on.
    I see a little bit of Dad in the rest of the grandkids too- my oldest son has the same sensitive spirit, my youngest shares his love of nature and working with his hands.  My niece has that same glimmer of "trouble" in her always smiling eyes and her brother has an acute attention to detail.  What an amazing way to leave a little bit of yourself behind when your time comes.
   A friend lost someone close to her this week.  My heart aches for the sadness she and her family are experiencing as I know full well how crushing the pain of loss can be.  My advice to her was to go ahead and cry, get angry, talk about him, do whatever needs doing to get through the mourning.  It does no good to keep it inside. A person who is greatly mourned in death must have something special in life.  Count yourself lucky when their loss hurts deeply, it only means they have touched your life and heart as deeply.